I have a job interview today. It’s for a job in my field, that is to say my education and years of work experience are relevant. It’s in an office in downtown Phoenix. It’s a good opportunity.

I probably won’t accept the position if its offered to me. (Aside: it will totally be offered to me, I’m amazing.). This brings up a lot of questions. First, why bother? Well, it’s good practice. Also, even if I don’t want this job, they might have some other opportunity that would be a better fit, like one I could do part time or from home. I don’t think I’m wasting anyone’s time by going.

Second, if I knew I didn’t want this job, why did I apply? I thought I did. I thought I needed it. After not working for four years I thought if I didn’t go back to work now, I would never get hired again. Yeah, I’ve been teaching at the community college, but that just doesn’t feel like it matters at all. How long is too long? Maybe four years isn’t that much, but it seems like forever.

Third, why not? Just why? It came down to money, mostly. After child care, taxes, gas, etc., there wasn’t any money left. I’d almost be paying to work. That doesn’t seem good. But, that’s just the first few years. Once Katie’s in school, child care would decrease substantially, especially if my mom retires and watches the kids as she’s hinted she might be willing to do. So why not get a job now so I already have one then? What if I can’t get a job then?

When is “then”, anyway? I don’t know. I don’t know when I will want/need a job. I like being able to be a volunteer at James’ school and go to Mothers’ Day snack time at Ellie’s school and take Katie to whatever activity she’s going to do. Working full-time in an office downtown would make that difficult.

Bottom line, I don’t want or need a job now. If I want or need a job in the future, I’ll deal with that “then”. As frustrated as I get with my kids and as much as going away for 9 hours every day sounds sort of vacation-like, I know I’d miss them. I know I’d miss out on important stuff.

Another issue that bothers me about all of this is how none of this even entered my husband’s mind when we had kids. It all falls on mom. That’s a whole other post though!