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I’ve been thinking lately that Gwenyth Paltrow and I would be best friends.  We have a lot in common.  We both were in love with Brad Pitt when we were younger, but we got over that.  We both love Chris Martin now as mature women.  Not so rebellious.  Our kids are similar ages.  We both work when we can, but devote most of our time to our families.  She lives in London, and I’ve always wanted to live there.  We both have square faces and so our haircuts are usually very similar, except she tried really short hair and I would never do that.

I know there are people out there who think, “But she’s pretentious!”  Maybe.  I think I could help with that image.  Having a “regular person” best friend would really make her seem more down to earth and approachable. 

There are obvious flaws in this plan.  I am unlikely to ever meet her.  Should we meet, it probably would be under circumstances that are not super conducive to “let’s be best friends”.  Also, as I mentioned earlier, she lives in London and I live in Arizona.  Long distance BFFs are tough to maintain.  I mean, there’s phones and Skype, but those are no substitutes to shopping together.

Finally, I know you’re thinking, “But you have friends!  You don’t need her.”  True.  I do have really good friends.  But none of them know Madonna.